I don’t wanna say this to myself, but..
I told me so.
Sheeesh. Too much time wasted. Too much. I really need to deactivate my facebook account. Either that or file a lawsuit against Mark Zuckerberg for stealing my time. But the latter is never gonna happen, I know. Uhuh.
I don’t wanna say goodbye now. I’m not ready. I’m so not ready. Why do they think I’m ready? Sob sob. This is cruelty. Is there not a People for the Ethical Treatment of Medical Students organization?
I need reassurance.
I kinda hate wasting time.
Don’t we all?
Somehow, I suspect that the time we will need in the future has been used up by our past.
Somehow.
I know I’m odd.
_______________________________________________
Facebook. I sentence you to death.
But the jury can’t see that you’re guilty.
Rotten to the core.
Another sigh.
Hype. Over-effectiveness.
Both coexist in a room outside my door.
And I can’t find the key. Can’t find the pin.
I wonder if we’ll ever get to see this world again, after all.
And you thought you wondered it alone.
I thought it too.
A realm that should have never been missed.
But we did.
Sigh.
‘Helical cognition’.
Really, just get over it.
All our base, are belong to them.
Because someone, set us up the bomb.
Invisible, inconspicuous;
Impalpable, incorporeal;
Insensible.
The second sigh.
But hope is never further than the hair on the skin, no matter how faint they seem.
I force myself to believe in the truth.
Because seclorum will never prevail.
Never.
And yes, the encyclopedia is not to be trusted.
Nah, just kidding.
My cousin’s selling contact lenses.
You guys gotta check them out.
Uh, I mean, girls.
But guys are welcome too.
They make you look more jambu.
Seriously.
Here’s the link.
Like I said, living a bliss is tyranny. To oneself.
Yeah, exactly. Like I said.
So where do we stand in this unjust situation? – Above, and under at the same time.
Not exactly in between. Just the absence of a partition.
Indifference.
A metal plate separating two poles, but is still a conductor by itself.
How rigid.
It’s like standing on your own head. A revolutionary contortionist.
We should be proud of ourselves.
*smug*
I laugh at the weird trickeries the human mind has managed to develop, hoping to find inner peace.
A flaccid judgement.
A helical cognition.
A stupid thought.
They look so elated. Or at least they think they are.
I know they are.
They’ve found real bliss.
Standing on their heads.
On an unrelated side note, my WiFi will be dead in 4 days. I won’t be rick-roll’d anymore. Three cheers, everyone.
Real bliss. Now where did I put my copy of it?
Tus cara.
Tus ojos.
Tus labios.
Su tez.
Su palabras.
Su risa.
Su brillo.
Mi amor.
Si pudiera, me gustaría nombrar a los colores del arco iris después de usted.
Dahulunya, kertas ini suci.
Coretan-coretan aneh mengisi ruangan, mengambil tempat yang seadanya.
Taat berbaris, menunggu tiba masanya untuk memberikan tabik hormat.
Setiap huruf, setiap nahu. Tanpa sebarang cela.
Namun, siapakah yang menghargai semua itu?
Ku kira, andaikata jantung mampu menelisip oksigen dan nutrien daripada
corong-corong ventrikel – mungkinkah kita hidup tanpa sebarang penahan?
Bebas sahaja, seperti api yang membakar diri.
Dan, seperti yang aku katakan;
Akan ku pilih kesepian untuk mewarnai sifat abstrak mereka.
Lapar.
Itu sahaja yang aku fikirkan sekarang. Aku tahu, namun aku enggan. Duit tak cukup sekarang.
Helmet pun belum beli lagi. Manakan tidak, elaun bulanan diterima pada tengah-tengah bulan?
Apakah bodohnya itu?
Aku faham, mungkin ada kesulitan. Mungkin. Tapi tidakkah ini keterlaluan?
Takkan nak meminjam duit lagi. Malu.
Dahlah aku berjanji dengan rakan-rakan di sana aku akan membawa memento.
Hisy, jeleknya diri ini.
Lugai-lugai.
Perut aku bertarannum lagi.
Eggpuff je kot pagi ni.
Appy satu pun dah kurang mampu.
Mereka semberana begini.
Kadang-kadang, aku hairan. Okay, mungkin bukan kadang-kadang.
Selalu.
Biarlah, apa nak jadi, jadi.
Things happen, bukan?
Adalah sesuatu yang nak disisipkan.
Adalah tu. Kena beli cok baru nampak gayanya.
Nak pujuk hati, bukannya senang. Aku anggap semua ini sementara.
oh chentaku, india, cover.
empty heart, rolling roller coaster ride,
this is how i wreck myself inside,
i am tired of being myself, and i am tired of being someone else, and i am tired of being here
shake the bottle, twist the cap,
smash it hard, to the ground,
kiss the mud, cut your ears,
see how it turns in a different way, none alike you thought it should be,
none alike you thought it should be
and we swim to the shore, days come and go,
i’ll love you, you will love me, thats all we need,
f*** off everything,
we believe in jealousy, i can live but i wish i could die,
not yet
first, i said i’ve got nothing to live for, she said, “no.”
but then, i asked her what that i’ve got to live for, she said, “no, you’re wrong.”
i am running backwards hoping for somebody to catch me,
before i fall down,
before i drown
sayang, i’m coming home tonight,
we will let go everything, just to see how it turns better tomorrow,
see i wonder how it could be anything stupid or harder than this
i drown, i drown
i drown, i drown.
.“A doctor is who I want to be, so a doctor is who I will be.” – Luqman bin Zaharin, 2005.
The chronicles of my life commenced when a baby was born at four minutes to 11.00 pm on the fifth of November, 1990. Though, technically, it began a few months back before that – ever since I was having heartbeats and impulses in my mother’s womb; I consider that as a prologue. That baby was bound for great things, I do believe, for that baby was, and is, me. Although, honestly, I do not recall a bit on the details of what happened in the delivery room, but I do know that it happened – says so in my birth certificate. Weighing at 3.25 kg, I embarked on my life journey (with the aid of diapers and a baby crib).
I started my education with two pre-schools and continued to Sri Inai School in Petaling Jaya for almost a year. At the end of Standard 1, I followed my family to Brunei, due to a business call for my father. We stayed there for two and a half years. After that, we came back to our homeland and I continued schooling in Sri Inai School until Standard 6, where I was among the pair of students who managed to get straight A’s in our UPSR test. Lower form for me began at Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Taman SEA, which was very brief, because I was then admitted to MRSM Kuala Lipis. The transition to a boarding school was very interesting since it gave me plentiful of experiences and new environments, and I made it through okay, with 8A’s in PMR. From there, I entered MRSM Taiping, which is one of the four elite MRSM colleges and finished upper form with 8A1’s and 2A2’s.
Before our SPM results were announced, I worked for a while at my aunt’s special learning institution for kids with reading problems. It was called i-Sina. Being around the children made me realize that I should never take even my slightest abilities for granted, as there are others who are not as lucky. I made up my mind then to use all that I have – my resources, capabilities, aptitude, whatever, to help those needing them. The quote I once stated back when I was in Form 3 resounded in my head. I wanted to become a doctor. I did not know why, then. After those touching moments day after day at the institution did I comprehend the raison d’être. I wanted to chase that dream. But I was not sure how.
A few weeks after that, I received a call from Management & Science University (MSU), saying that I had to attend an interview there to enter a special express program for Foundation in Medical Science. I was elated. The letters came, and there were other institutions that offered me places – but none seemed to help me follow my chosen career path. So I ignored them. I went to the interview, and it turned out that I passed. Euphoric, I felt that my dream was looking more vivid now. Sometime around January, I began my life as an MSU student in Foundation in Medical Science (Express).
Passion alone was not enough, I quickly figured out, for the days as a student there was really demanding. Sacrifices were made, both mentally and physically. Not to mention sleepless nights as well. It was a good thing that I possess critical and creative thinking skills, as mentioned by my teachers before, as those skills proved quite valuable in finishing never-ending assignments. I had to pass a specific grade of 3.50 for my CGPA in order to get assurance of places for medical institutions overseas to further my studies. All praises to God, for I made it through. I managed to attain a CGPA of 3.58 after the three semesters. I know that I could have done better, and I was not giving out my all yet. I took that as a lesson in life so that I would do my best in the future. And I will.
Now, I intend to pursue my dreams by taking Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery (MBBS) at an institution in Bangalore, India, as offered by MSU. The institution is International Medical School, which was formed by the cooperation of MSU and MS Ramaiah Medical College, and the duration of the course is around 5 ½ years, including one year of internship.
Furthering the course, I aim to take neurosurgery, preferably in Alexandria University, Egypt (course duration of six years), for it is a very firmly established institution, especially in medical courses. Neurosurgery is my chosen specialty, due to the fact alone that I have always wondered how our nerves and impulses let us communicate with this world. I marvel at the thought that our brain, be it a small organ, could manage every single minuscule detail that is happening in the human body. Also, the reality of what we now call neuroplasticity, which refers to the changes that occur in the organization of the brain as a result of experiences, has made me all the more intrigued to know further about this delicate organ.
I strongly believe that one day, my dreams will turn to reality, and I will work tremendously hard for that day to arrive. That is a promise I plan to keep –locked in my thoughts and clenched in my fists; every moment my blood flows and my heart beats.
-This is an essay I worked on, sometime ago. Just published it here because it reminds me why I’m doing all of this.
